Tuesday, 29 January 2013

I'm really struggling today

I'm finding everything a bit hard today.

I'm finding my work place pretty stressful, I work in a Student Support Centre for University students, helping them with every issue under the sun. This ranges from academic, tenancy to employment and disciplinary issues. Yesterday I had an hour and a half conversation with a student who experienced a sexual assault last year, last night after hours I received a phone call from a student that has been raped on the weekend.

The well being of students I see in my day to day work often weighs heavily on my mind. I like to know that they've left my office happier and with a better understanding of their options. With sexual assault I know there's not a lot I can do but I try my best by being someone students feel comfortable talking too. I just feel sad and mad at the world for everything. I'm angry that because of a miscommunication one of these students was turned away from our University counselling service. I'm sad because I have students come in that have a significant expense for their course with no money to pay for it. I love the advocacy side of my job but it does often get me down at times.

Of course, I also volunteer for Youthline as a phone counsellor and am trained to deal with crisis calls so  I have been utilising those skills when talking to distressed students. I was able to talk about my work and my feelings around it at our Youthline supervision group last night so I am really grateful for that.

This feeling of sadness, madness, depression isn't me at all. I like to face the day with a smile and be optimistic. Negativity, complaints is something that really gets to me. Ordinarily I would have tried to ignore my feelings and put on a smile but as part of my personal development I think it would be good to get used to feeling sad. Because it's okay to be sad sometimes. I'm also on my 10th day working without a day off so that also doesn't help.

And of course, Diabetes doesn't take a holiday when I want/need it to. I was woken by a wicked low blood sugar at 1.30am this morning.  So starting off my day feeling sleep deprived hasn't helped my mood at all!

But it's okay. I still feel my happy grounded self, looking forward to skyping my wonderful boyfriend later on in the week. I'm just allowing myself to feel a little sad today. I think it's healthy for me :)