Wednesday, 24 December 2014

Merry Christmas and Mediocrity of Management

Merry Christmas to everyone!

This Christmas Day is the quietest one I've had. Instead of going home for our crazy overwhelming family bonanza I choose to stay in the South Island with my lovely partner. It's just the two of us and we have a friend coming over for dinner. 

I made a delicious fancy smancy brunch, we had bubbles and then opened presents. Very quiet. I miss my family but am also very much enjoying feeling relaxed today. 

I'm feeling grumpy at Diabetes today. I had one of those overly emotional lows last night, which happened while I had about 8 units of Insulin on board (grr miscalcuation on carbs). It resulted in staying up for hours and I think I balanced between not eating too much for my blood sugar to go sky rocketing and enough to keep me alive. There were moments of sobbing and screeching to my partner saying "I'm so sick of this". I really am. 

But then I wake up in the morning and today is a new day. Even better, it's christmas day and I got a new cook book (Edmonds Cookery Book, I'm a real kiwi housewife now!). 

I really need to get my management on track, it's taken a huge leap in the right direction since being on a pump but has plateaued since that. Instead of being well controlled I'm more moderately controlled, or "could be better". It doesn't feel like burn out because I'm still going through the motions easily enough. It's more like this never ending feeling of mediocrity of management. There's finger pricks and correction boluses but not basal testing and no real tracking of numbers to see where I'm going wrong. I lack motivation to engage with any of that. I also keep getting the slight comments around needing to exercise more and lose weight. After the first week of one such appointment I exercised for 5 days out of 7 for at least 30 minutes. And then I lacked motivation and didn't exercise again. 

It's the same old thing over and over again. Motivation to do something for a week and not following through. I'm not sure how to combat this melancholy but I'm trying out a few different things. As always, tomorrow is a new day with a new beginning. 

Stay safe every one and I wish you and your families the happiest of holidays :)